My Dad—My Hero (Father’s Day Sacrament Meeting Talk)

I had the privilege of speaking in church on Father’s Day. I love and admire my dad!

The thing that impressed me the most when I was studying and preparing my talk was the way Apostle D. Todd Christofferson likened Jesus Christ’s teaching that “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Elder Christofferson said:

Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.

I had always thought about Jesus’ quote in terms of being willing to die for someone. Elder Christofferson’s words helped me realize that it can also mean living for someone. Parents sacrifice so much for their children, and in that way, they are very Christlike.

The following is an approximate transcript of my talk yesterday:

I am honored and excited to speak about fathers today.

In my talk, I will be quoting parts of Apostle D. Todd Christofferson’s sermon entitled “Fathers,” which he gave in the April 2016 Church general conference. But first, I’d like to quote a paragraph from the Gospel Topics essay entitled “Family”:

The Lord has designated the family to be the basic unit of the Church and of society. As used in the scriptures, a family consists of a husband and wife, children, and sometimes other relatives living in the same house or under one family head. A family can also be a single person living alone, a single parent with children, or a husband and wife without children. …

fathers and mothers today are equal partners in the family.

One of the things Elder D. Todd Christofferson said in his talk was, “We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.”

What does “superfluous” mean? It means “extra or unnecessary.” So, fathers are far from being extra or unnecessary—they are unique and irreplaceable.

Of course, we are all part of a Heavenly Family. Elder Christofferson said,

The role of father is of divine origin, beginning with a Father in Heaven and, in this mortal sphere, with Father Adam.

There are different types of fathers. There are married fathers, single fathers, adopted fathers, foster fathers, stepfathers. There are also men who don’t have children of their own but are still father figures. If there are children in your life who look up to you, you play a fatherly role.

According to Elder Christofferson, husband and father are “the highest of masculine roles.” 

Some of the characteristics I appreciate in my dad are:

1) He likes to have fun—When I was growing up, he’d take me on “daddy-daughter dates” all the time. One of my favorite memories is the time my best friend and I went go kart racing together with our dads. On the way home, my dad was still driving like a go kart driver. He took a corner a little too fast and wiped out a pedestrian crossing sign. He also ripped the muffler off the car, causing it to drag on the road. He and my friend’s dad found an old pair of jeans in the trunk and tied them around the muffler. Then my friend’s dad leaned out the window holding up the muffler while my dad drove home. The scariest part was getting over the railroad tracks, but we made it! After we dropped off my friend and her dad and pulled into our driveway, my dad turned around and looked at me. He gave a little laugh and said, “Jess, if I don’t laugh I’m going to cry, because I have to explain this to your mother.”

2) He prioritizes our family—My dad double majored in Russian and international relations. He’s never worked in that field. After his college graduation, he had an opportunity to do some work in Russia, but he turned it down because he wasn’t going to be able to bring his family along. To me, that’s an amazing example of sacrificing for us.

3) My dad cries easily—He cries when he gives me blessings, he cried when I told him we were expecting a baby girl, and he cries when he shares his feelings about the gospel.

4) Most important of all, I know my dad cares—When my brother had severe depression, he prayed to know what it was like so he could understand. He told me it felt like a thick, heavy, black feeling weighing on him. That experience helped him understand better what my brother was going through. Dad also has a gift for caring about other people; it comes naturally to him. He’s always been a good example to me of including others and talking to people I don’t know well at church.

If I had only one word to describe my dad, it would be “tender.”

Some characteristics I appreciate in my father-in-law are:

1) His sense of humor—He and his wife are always playing practical jokes on each other and some of them can get pretty elaborate. It’s pretty funny.

2) He’s hardworking—He always has a project and he’s always willing to help his children with their projects.

3) He’s also a crier, which I think is sweet. Now, if Clay is listening closely, no doubt he’s feeling guilty for NOT being a crier, so let me say clearly that it’s not necessary to cry for people to feel the sincerity of your testimony.

4) My father-in-law frequently tells his children he loves them and that he’s proud of them.

5) He diligently seeks opportunities to share his feelings about the gospel with his family, even the family members who are not currently participating in church.

My husband, Clayton, shares many of these same characteristics. That’s a big part of what attracted me to him and why I love him.

Other father figures in my life have been:

1) Rod Hill was one of my neighbors growing up. He was an ex-Marine and taught 6th grade. I thought he was the coolest “old” man ever.

2) Kris White was one of my Primary teachers. I think he gave me my first Book of Mormon. It had his testimony written in the front.

3) Brother Shock and Brother Southard were two of our family’s home teachers when I was growing up.

4) My grandfathers have been father figures to me.

5) I served a mission under two mission presidents, David Glazier and Bruno Vasquez. I look up to them a lot.

Ideally, one of a father’s defining traits is love.

In one of the Church’s Father’s Day tribute videos, someone says, “A dad means love that never goes away.”

I once heard someone say that you love what you sacrifice for and you sacrifice for what you love.

Elder Christofferson said:

Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but it is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy. Again, the ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loved us, His spirit children, that He gave us His Only Begotten Son for our salvation and exaltation. Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.

Elder Christofferson went on to say:

Perhaps the most essential of a father’s work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father.

Certainly teaching the gospel is a shared duty between fathers and mothers, but the Lord is clear that He expects fathers to lead out in making it a high priority. … The Lord expects fathers to help shape their children, and children want and need a model.

My dad has always been a great role model for me. I mentioned one thing I love about my dad is how he puts our family first.

I think it’s safe to say that 2020 was a difficult year for everyone due to the COVID-19 pandemic. My family had an additional trial. In May 2020, my dad was hit by an impaired driver. It was a bad accident and he really should have died. Miraculously, he survived, although he did lose his left leg below the knee. He now has a prosthetic and suffers from chronic pain.

As he was recovering, one of his biggest concerns was to preserve his family relationships by not becoming bitter.

He and my mom have been extraordinary examples to me of forgiveness, trusting the Lord, leaning on Him for strength and guidance, and keeping an eternal perspective. My mom said when they made the decision to do the amputation, one thing that gave her a lot of comfort was the doctrine of the Resurrection. In the Resurrection, my dad will have a perfect body. Because of Jesus Christ, none of our physical imperfections are permanent.

My parents regularly share the things they’ve learned through this trial with youth groups and other groups.

I’d like to finish with my testimony that fathers really are unique and irreplaceable. I feel blessed to have wonderful father figures in my life. We also all have a loving, perfect Father in Heaven who does so much for us—much of which we probably don’t recognize. I’m grateful for my fathers.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Wrapped Around Her Little Finger

I saw it in the ultrasound just before the tech asked, “How does a little girl sound?” I was thinking, Is that a GIRL? I had convinced myself our second baby would be a boy because both of Clayton’s married brothers had two boys.

But after that initial jolt of surprise, the Spirit washed over me. I knew this was right, that God was sending us a precious girl for a reason.

In that joyful moment, my plans for an elaborate gender reveal evaporated. We called our parents as soon as we got out of the doctor’s office. Clayton’s parents took it in stride—his dad has correctly predicted the sex of all 11 of his grandchildren. My mom and sister, too, said they knew all along. My dad started to bawl. He said he’d been praying for a granddaughter.

Baby Girl, we were all wrapped around your little finger before you were even born. 🥰

"You don't have to give them back"

Clayton was ready to start having children right from the beginning of our marriage. Ironically, I thought I would be ready... until the time actually came. Then, suddenly, I could think of all sorts of reasons to wait. The biggest thing that held me back was fear. Fear of pregnancy, of childbirth, and of child-raising. I felt so inadequate.

Heavenly Father had the perfect plan for me, though. My first assignment in our new church congregation in Orem was to teach the three-year-olds on Sunday with Clayton, and we had a darling group of kids. The following year I was asked to move up with my class, and I spent the next two years teaching adorable, excitable four-year-olds.

I enjoyed teaching the kids, but it was always a bit of a relief when their parents came to pick them up.

At the same time, I was experiencing the aunt life. When we first got married, Clayton had two nieces and four nephews -- a recipe for "instant aunt." Two of those nephews lived close by. They're darling but super energetic, and as a result, family dinners were usually lively and fun, but super tiring at the same time.

Again, I enjoyed playing with our nephews, but I left most of the running to Clayton and it was always a bit of a relief to go home to our quiet apartment. I often thought how nice it was to be able to give our nephews back after a while.

Long story short, my short, regular interactions with these cute groups of kids gradually helped me overcome my fears and take the leap of faith required to start trying to get pregnant.

Fast forward to this year. Clayton and I had just moved to Reno in November 2020. The sister missionaries were at our house for dinner one night and we got to talking about kids. (I was very pregnant at the time.) One of the sisters had nieces and nephews, and recited something her sister had told her about being a mom: "The best part is, you don't have to give them back."

That phrase really hit me. It touched on one of my lingering fears about having a child -- that Clayton and I wouldn't be able to give him back to his parents when we were tired or when he got fussy because we would be his parents. I didn't know how to address that fear other than to trust that God knew what He was doing, and that He would help me through the hard times.

But now Will is here. And I'm beginning to understand why not having to give them back is a good thing. Just look at that face. You wouldn't want to give that back, either!

Of course, there have already been times when I've wanted a break. Clayton is really good about spotting me in those times -- changing a diaper or bottle feeding Will so I can nap, or taking a turn holding Will when he's fussy. Also, grandparents are angels straight from heaven.

When I see Will smile, though, it's all worth it.

The Triangle of Faith

It's the first Sunday of May. Traditionally in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the first Sunday of every month is fast and testimony meeting.

For the fasting part, church members are basically invited to skip two meals and donate what they would have spent to the poor and needy. It's a good opportunity to pray for divine inspiration or help. It's also a private, personal experience and nobody is going to ask you if you did it.

Conversely, testimony meeting is public. During the first hour of church, members are invited to share their thoughts and feelings, or "testimonies," of Jesus Christ. Anyone can walk up to the microphone at the front of the room and share.

Recently, all church meetings have been canceled due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Clayton and I hold our own meetings at home.

I felt the desire to share my testimony today. It's different writing it down instead of talking about it, but that's okay. I've sometimes thought it's easier to express myself in writing anyway.

This week I was reading an article in Ensign magazine that mentioned the "triangle of faith." The author explains the points in the triangle as 1) the Spirit, 2) the scriptures, and 3) the prophets, "especially living ones." A triangle is a strong shape, and working on our personal triangle of faith helps keep us spiritually strong. (Benjamin Hyrum White, "Sherem's Skepticism: The Tactics of a Faith Shaker," Ensign, April 2020)

The triangle of faith imagery appealed to me. But I adapted it a little because I feel the scriptures and the prophets are sort of the same. After all, what are scriptures but the words of prophets written down? To me, it makes more sense for the points in the triangle to be prayer, scriptures (including the words of living prophets), and the Spirit.

As I thought about my personal triangle of faith, I realized that each point has played a significant role in my own relationship with God.

Prayer
I first began to be aware of God at a young age. My parents taught me to pray and took me to Church. I had numerous experiences as a child praying for God's help. Sometimes I was praying for help finding something I'd lost; other times I prayed for help going back to sleep after a bad dream. One time when I was 12 or 13, I remember my bishop asking me how often I prayed and I replied, "Pretty much all the time. I need a lot of help." (If only 12-year-old me knew how much help 27-year-old me was going to need. Nothing has changed, haha.)

These experiences going to a loving Heavenly Father in prayer became a crucial part of the foundation of my relationship with Him.

Scriptures (words of God's prophets, including living ones)
The scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon, also played a huge role in helping me form a relationship with God. I read it by myself for the first time in 2005, when President Gordon B. Hinckley challenged all church members to read it all the way through by the end of the year.

I've had questions and doubts over the years about certain aspects of the gospel, but there's always one thing I cannot deny: I know the Book of Mormon came from God. I've read it numerous times and prayed to know the truth about its origins. Every time I read it, I feel the Spirit. And the Book of Mormon played such a central role in the formation of my particular religion that if it's true, so is everything else: Joseph Smith was actually a prophet of God, and this is Jesus Christ's New Testament church restored to Earth.

That thought has brought me a lot of peace. I may not understand everything perfectly, but I do know the Book of Mormon is true, which means at least I'm looking for answers in the right place.

The Spirit
Of course, the Spirit is the key to anyone's relationship with God. He often acts as a messenger from God, and one of his many responsibilities is to testify of truth.

The Spirit is sort of like the glue that holds my testimony together; it's how I know the Book of Mormon is true and there is a living prophet of God today. When I pray, the answers or comfort I seek typically come from the Spirit.

I've written about how my testimony has been fundamentally shaped by the Spirit before, and I don't plan to go into it all again. Suffice it to say, I agree with President Harold B. Lee when he said the witness of the Holy Spirit is more powerful than any physical witness humankind could have that there is a loving God in heaven; a Heavenly Father who cares about us and wants us to be happy.

Everyone feels the Spirit differently. For me, I know something is true when it just makes sense; there's just a feeling that it's right. I sometimes also get a tingling warm feeling confirming that it's right.

One of the best things about God is He is no respecter of persons. That means that no matter who you are, He loves you and He will make Himself and His will known to you if you sincerely seek for it. It doesn't always come right away---actually in my experience, it almost never comes right away. God likes it when we take a few actions on our own because that demonstrates our willingness to believe in Him and trust Him. But in His perfect timing, He will eventually answer you. I know because it happened to me.

Because life is hard and inevitably wears me down, I have to continually seek Him through prayer, the scriptures, and the Spirit. I have to remember the experiences I've had with Him in the past as well as have new ones. I think that's the key to keeping our triangle of faith---and our relationship with God---strong.

Choosing Clayton

It’s funny. I had a secret crush on Clayton for a year before he finally asked me out, but after we became boyfriend and girlfriend, my nerves were suddenly wound so tight it was hard to really enjoy dating him. Doubts seemed to flood over me at the most inconvenient moments. Weeks passed before I let him kiss me again. Some days, I felt like I was on cloud nine with him. Other days, I was convinced breaking off the relationship would be better for both of us. I rarely mentioned details of my internal battle because Clayton seemed to have completely fallen for me and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. My decision to marry him evolved through weeks of serious, near-constant reflection.

One night six weeks after our first kiss, we decided to go to a few classes at BYU’s Education Week. There, I learned a principle that changed my life: Love is a choice.

"People talk about love like it's an accident sometimes," said our teacher, Justin Top. "We say, 'I fell in love,' as if we were walking along, tripped and faceplanted into love. But love isn't an accident; it's a choice. It takes effort and sacrifice."

Two days later on Sunday morning, one of the talks in church was about receiving personal revelation. For weeks, I had been praying, asking God if advancing my relationship with Clayton would be a good choice, and it suddenly hit me: God had already answered my prayer. His answer was: “Love is a choice.”

I felt amazing that day. I recognized God had given me an incredible gift: an opportunity to love and be loved by one of the best men I’d ever met. But Sunday passed and doubts crept back in. By Tuesday, I was trudging to the first day of my autumn institute of religion class, thinking once again it would be best to break up. There was only one problem: I couldn’t bear the thought of letting Clayton go. But didn’t he deserve someone who was totally sure she could marry him?

Happily, my inspired religion teacher came to my rescue that day. At the beginning of class, he asked everyone to say their name and one attribute they admired about themselves. I said my name was Jessica and I was an optimist. My teacher smiled at me and commented, “Just like President Hinckley. That’s a good quality.”

It probably didn’t seem like much to him, but to me that remark made a world of difference. As I thought of President Gordon B. Hinckley, I remembered some of his teachings and his optimistic, faith-filled attitude toward life. I realized the fear and anxiety I’d been experiencing as I contemplated marrying Clayton did not come from God, but the strong spiritual experience I’d had on Sunday did. That night I wrote in my class notes, “If I chose optimism, I’d choose Clay.” Since then, I’ve never reconsidered my decision to marry him.