My Dad—My Hero (Father’s Day Sacrament Meeting Talk)

I had the privilege of speaking in church on Father’s Day. I love and admire my dad!

The thing that impressed me the most when I was studying and preparing my talk was the way Apostle D. Todd Christofferson likened Jesus Christ’s teaching that “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Elder Christofferson said:

Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.

I had always thought about Jesus’ quote in terms of being willing to die for someone. Elder Christofferson’s words helped me realize that it can also mean living for someone. Parents sacrifice so much for their children, and in that way, they are very Christlike.

The following is an approximate transcript of my talk yesterday:

I am honored and excited to speak about fathers today.

In my talk, I will be quoting parts of Apostle D. Todd Christofferson’s sermon entitled “Fathers,” which he gave in the April 2016 Church general conference. But first, I’d like to quote a paragraph from the Gospel Topics essay entitled “Family”:

The Lord has designated the family to be the basic unit of the Church and of society. As used in the scriptures, a family consists of a husband and wife, children, and sometimes other relatives living in the same house or under one family head. A family can also be a single person living alone, a single parent with children, or a husband and wife without children. …

fathers and mothers today are equal partners in the family.

One of the things Elder D. Todd Christofferson said in his talk was, “We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.”

What does “superfluous” mean? It means “extra or unnecessary.” So, fathers are far from being extra or unnecessary—they are unique and irreplaceable.

Of course, we are all part of a Heavenly Family. Elder Christofferson said,

The role of father is of divine origin, beginning with a Father in Heaven and, in this mortal sphere, with Father Adam.

There are different types of fathers. There are married fathers, single fathers, adopted fathers, foster fathers, stepfathers. There are also men who don’t have children of their own but are still father figures. If there are children in your life who look up to you, you play a fatherly role.

According to Elder Christofferson, husband and father are “the highest of masculine roles.” 

Some of the characteristics I appreciate in my dad are:

1) He likes to have fun—When I was growing up, he’d take me on “daddy-daughter dates” all the time. One of my favorite memories is the time my best friend and I went go kart racing together with our dads. On the way home, my dad was still driving like a go kart driver. He took a corner a little too fast and wiped out a pedestrian crossing sign. He also ripped the muffler off the car, causing it to drag on the road. He and my friend’s dad found an old pair of jeans in the trunk and tied them around the muffler. Then my friend’s dad leaned out the window holding up the muffler while my dad drove home. The scariest part was getting over the railroad tracks, but we made it! After we dropped off my friend and her dad and pulled into our driveway, my dad turned around and looked at me. He gave a little laugh and said, “Jess, if I don’t laugh I’m going to cry, because I have to explain this to your mother.”

2) He prioritizes our family—My dad double majored in Russian and international relations. He’s never worked in that field. After his college graduation, he had an opportunity to do some work in Russia, but he turned it down because he wasn’t going to be able to bring his family along. To me, that’s an amazing example of sacrificing for us.

3) My dad cries easily—He cries when he gives me blessings, he cried when I told him we were expecting a baby girl, and he cries when he shares his feelings about the gospel.

4) Most important of all, I know my dad cares—When my brother had severe depression, he prayed to know what it was like so he could understand. He told me it felt like a thick, heavy, black feeling weighing on him. That experience helped him understand better what my brother was going through. Dad also has a gift for caring about other people; it comes naturally to him. He’s always been a good example to me of including others and talking to people I don’t know well at church.

If I had only one word to describe my dad, it would be “tender.”

Some characteristics I appreciate in my father-in-law are:

1) His sense of humor—He and his wife are always playing practical jokes on each other and some of them can get pretty elaborate. It’s pretty funny.

2) He’s hardworking—He always has a project and he’s always willing to help his children with their projects.

3) He’s also a crier, which I think is sweet. Now, if Clay is listening closely, no doubt he’s feeling guilty for NOT being a crier, so let me say clearly that it’s not necessary to cry for people to feel the sincerity of your testimony.

4) My father-in-law frequently tells his children he loves them and that he’s proud of them.

5) He diligently seeks opportunities to share his feelings about the gospel with his family, even the family members who are not currently participating in church.

My husband, Clayton, shares many of these same characteristics. That’s a big part of what attracted me to him and why I love him.

Other father figures in my life have been:

1) Rod Hill was one of my neighbors growing up. He was an ex-Marine and taught 6th grade. I thought he was the coolest “old” man ever.

2) Kris White was one of my Primary teachers. I think he gave me my first Book of Mormon. It had his testimony written in the front.

3) Brother Shock and Brother Southard were two of our family’s home teachers when I was growing up.

4) My grandfathers have been father figures to me.

5) I served a mission under two mission presidents, David Glazier and Bruno Vasquez. I look up to them a lot.

Ideally, one of a father’s defining traits is love.

In one of the Church’s Father’s Day tribute videos, someone says, “A dad means love that never goes away.”

I once heard someone say that you love what you sacrifice for and you sacrifice for what you love.

Elder Christofferson said:

Fatherhood requires sacrifice, but it is a source of incomparable satisfaction, even joy. Again, the ultimate model is our Heavenly Father, who so loved us, His spirit children, that He gave us His Only Begotten Son for our salvation and exaltation. Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families.

Elder Christofferson went on to say:

Perhaps the most essential of a father’s work is to turn the hearts of his children to their Heavenly Father.

Certainly teaching the gospel is a shared duty between fathers and mothers, but the Lord is clear that He expects fathers to lead out in making it a high priority. … The Lord expects fathers to help shape their children, and children want and need a model.

My dad has always been a great role model for me. I mentioned one thing I love about my dad is how he puts our family first.

I think it’s safe to say that 2020 was a difficult year for everyone due to the COVID-19 pandemic. My family had an additional trial. In May 2020, my dad was hit by an impaired driver. It was a bad accident and he really should have died. Miraculously, he survived, although he did lose his left leg below the knee. He now has a prosthetic and suffers from chronic pain.

As he was recovering, one of his biggest concerns was to preserve his family relationships by not becoming bitter.

He and my mom have been extraordinary examples to me of forgiveness, trusting the Lord, leaning on Him for strength and guidance, and keeping an eternal perspective. My mom said when they made the decision to do the amputation, one thing that gave her a lot of comfort was the doctrine of the Resurrection. In the Resurrection, my dad will have a perfect body. Because of Jesus Christ, none of our physical imperfections are permanent.

My parents regularly share the things they’ve learned through this trial with youth groups and other groups.

I’d like to finish with my testimony that fathers really are unique and irreplaceable. I feel blessed to have wonderful father figures in my life. We also all have a loving, perfect Father in Heaven who does so much for us—much of which we probably don’t recognize. I’m grateful for my fathers.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Wrapped Around Her Little Finger

I saw it in the ultrasound just before the tech asked, “How does a little girl sound?” I was thinking, Is that a GIRL? I had convinced myself our second baby would be a boy because both of Clayton’s married brothers had two boys.

But after that initial jolt of surprise, the Spirit washed over me. I knew this was right, that God was sending us a precious girl for a reason.

In that joyful moment, my plans for an elaborate gender reveal evaporated. We called our parents as soon as we got out of the doctor’s office. Clayton’s parents took it in stride—his dad has correctly predicted the sex of all 11 of his grandchildren. My mom and sister, too, said they knew all along. My dad started to bawl. He said he’d been praying for a granddaughter.

Baby Girl, we were all wrapped around your little finger before you were even born. 🥰

"But tonight, You are mine"

I'm in love.

I've always enjoyed lullaby-type Christmas carols and songs about Mary, the mother of Jesus. I have several favorites, including "Mary's Lullaby" from the Primary Children's Songbook and "Mary, Did You Know?" by Buddy Greene.

I heard a new one last Sunday at our stake (regional church group) Music of Christmas concert. It's called "Mary's Lullaby (Tonight You Are Mine)," by Bertha A. Kleinman and Wanda West Palmer. The vocalist sang with great feeling, and the lyrics touched me deeply.

The mortal birth and death of Jesus Christ were predicted by prophets for centuries. We just read a beautiful description by King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon in our family scripture study:

And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and the abominations of his people.

And he shall be called Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Father of heaven and earth, the Creator of all things from the beginning; and his mother shall be called Mary.

And lo, he cometh unto his own, that salvation might come unto the children of men even through faith on his name; and even after all this they shall consider him a man, and say that he hath a devil, and shall scourge him, and shall crucify him.

Mosiah 3:7-9

Mary would have been taught the prophecies about the Messiah. Surely, she had at least a small glimmer of understanding that the holy child she was chosen to bear was destined to go through unimaginable suffering and pain, not because He deserved it in any way, but because He volunteered before the Earth was formed to perform an atonement for the sins of us imperfect beings. To save us.

I imagine Mary knew this intellectually. But surely, it became incredibly and heartbreakingly more real when Jesus was born. When I think of my own little son and how precious he is to me, and consider how Mary must have felt about Jesus, my respect and admiration for her absolutely explode. She was truly an elect woman.

Back to the song I heard last week. It's written as if Mary were speaking to, or perhaps praying over, Jesus. This is the verse that touched me so deeply (plus the chorus):

Away, spectered future of sorrow and plight.

Away to the years that must follow tonight.

The pangs of Gethsemane, let them be dim;

The red drops on Calvary, not, Lord, for him!

Oh, let me enfold thee, my baby, tonight;

While legions are singing in joyous delight.

A new star has risen to hail thee divine,

For you are a king, but tonight you are mine.

Isn't that powerful? Sometimes we just have to take life one day at a time, and that's what Mary is choosing to do in this lullaby. She knows exactly Whom she's holding in her arms, and she's choosing to enjoy every minute she has with Him.

I'm reminded of my own (sometimes) sleepless nights with Will, holding him and rocking him to sleep. It's tiring for sure, but there's also a sweetness in those early morning hours with a baby in my arms. My baby. A gift and a great responsibility, straight from God.

It's a special time of year to have a new baby boy.

To Will

I thought I was happy when we were just two,

But then we found out we were going to have you!

We had prayed for a child, according to God's will;

With each passing day, we grew more excited still.

The day you were born, suddenly we were three.

As we held you, we knew it was all meant to be.

My indomitable dad

It was Tuesday, May 26, 2020. Clayton and I had plans to babysit our toddler nephew Archer while his parents went to the gender reveal ultrasound of their next baby.

As we were getting ready to go, I got a text from my sister Melanie, informing me that our dad had been in an accident earlier that day and that our brother Graig, his wife, and a close friend were missing. (They went camping for Memorial Day weekend and weren't answering their phones for a while. Within hours, we figured out they weren't actually missing and everything was okay.)

It was a shock. Initially, I was more worried about Graig. I knew my mom and Aunt Connie were with my dad in the hospital, and that was a big comfort. I felt peace and knew he would be okay.

Looking back, maybe that's why I was surprised when he ended up losing his left leg. When I received the impression that everything would be okay, I think I assumed that life would go back to exactly the way it was before.

I knew from the text updates I was getting from Aunt Connie that Dad's accident was serious. In that initial emergency surgery, he lost all the blood in his body at least twice. But I didn't really understand how serious his injuries really were until I saw him on the hospital grounds.

Due to COVID-19 restrictions, he was only allowed two visitors (who were Mom and Aunt Connie), so we didn't get to see him for weeks. Because we didn't get to see him for a while, I was somewhat insulated from the severity of his pain and the challenges he faced while recovering (like MRSA). It enabled me to pretend that he wasn't as badly hurt as he was.

When I finally did see him on June 12, I was a little shocked at how pale and thin he looked. His skin was tissue paper soft.

Still, I held out hope that Dad would make a complete recovery. He was my dad, after all. Invincible. Indomitable.

It was another shock when my mom called later that day to say she and Dad were seriously considering amputation. Clayton and I were on our way to a peaceful, remote reservoir for an overnight camping trip. My first reaction was, "What? But everything was supposed to be okay!"

My next thoughts were, "Mom says she and Dad have prayed about this and they feel it's the right decision. I trust them. I'll support them."

As I had those thoughts that night in the campground, I again felt peace wash over me. And I realized that even though our lives--especially my parents'--weren't ever going to be the same as before Dad's accident, everything would still be okay.

My dad may not be invincible physically. But he is indomitable. His reaction to becoming an amputee, and his frank forgiveness of the driver who hit him, continue to amaze and inspire me. And I'm not alone; I'm positive that he inspires many other people too. As does my mom, who has shown incredible faith and resilience throughout this entire trial. I'm a lucky daughter.

"You don't have to give them back"

Clayton was ready to start having children right from the beginning of our marriage. Ironically, I thought I would be ready... until the time actually came. Then, suddenly, I could think of all sorts of reasons to wait. The biggest thing that held me back was fear. Fear of pregnancy, of childbirth, and of child-raising. I felt so inadequate.

Heavenly Father had the perfect plan for me, though. My first assignment in our new church congregation in Orem was to teach the three-year-olds on Sunday with Clayton, and we had a darling group of kids. The following year I was asked to move up with my class, and I spent the next two years teaching adorable, excitable four-year-olds.

I enjoyed teaching the kids, but it was always a bit of a relief when their parents came to pick them up.

At the same time, I was experiencing the aunt life. When we first got married, Clayton had two nieces and four nephews -- a recipe for "instant aunt." Two of those nephews lived close by. They're darling but super energetic, and as a result, family dinners were usually lively and fun, but super tiring at the same time.

Again, I enjoyed playing with our nephews, but I left most of the running to Clayton and it was always a bit of a relief to go home to our quiet apartment. I often thought how nice it was to be able to give our nephews back after a while.

Long story short, my short, regular interactions with these cute groups of kids gradually helped me overcome my fears and take the leap of faith required to start trying to get pregnant.

Fast forward to this year. Clayton and I had just moved to Reno in November 2020. The sister missionaries were at our house for dinner one night and we got to talking about kids. (I was very pregnant at the time.) One of the sisters had nieces and nephews, and recited something her sister had told her about being a mom: "The best part is, you don't have to give them back."

That phrase really hit me. It touched on one of my lingering fears about having a child -- that Clayton and I wouldn't be able to give him back to his parents when we were tired or when he got fussy because we would be his parents. I didn't know how to address that fear other than to trust that God knew what He was doing, and that He would help me through the hard times.

But now Will is here. And I'm beginning to understand why not having to give them back is a good thing. Just look at that face. You wouldn't want to give that back, either!

Of course, there have already been times when I've wanted a break. Clayton is really good about spotting me in those times -- changing a diaper or bottle feeding Will so I can nap, or taking a turn holding Will when he's fussy. Also, grandparents are angels straight from heaven.

When I see Will smile, though, it's all worth it.

Blessed Beyond Measure: Friend Edition

One of the service prompts for the Light the World initiative this year was to post on social media about an influential friend or friends. I'm not on social media very often, but it occurred to me recently that I could post here!

I wouldn't be able to pick just one friend to highlight. I am blessed to have many good friends, several of whom I've known since childhood. I intend to name a few (and hopefully I can keep it to just a few, or this post would go on forever!). :)

I'm grateful for Kiera, who's been one of my best friends since kindergarten. She was and continues to be a powerful spiritual influence on my life -- in addition to being a whole lot of fun! Kiera's example and observations were so influential in helping me start to recognize the voice of the Spirit. I'm grateful for her spiritual sensitivity and also for her bottomless well of forgiveness in the times I wasn't the greatest friend.

I'm grateful for Summer, who became a good friend the first year Kiera and I weren't in the same school class. We became a trio, and I so appreciate her kindness and love.

I'm grateful for Sara, K.T., and Mikayla, who are still some of my best friends! Elementary school wouldn't have been the same without them. I love their creativity, kindness, and genuine goodness. All three of them are the kind of people who just want to do the right thing, and the world is better for it.

I'm grateful for Andrea, Ana, Ashley, Lauren, Mandy, Bree, Jenny, Belle, Aubrey, Joe, Ryan, Connor, and all my other high school friends! We may not be in contact as often as we used to be, but they truly made my high school years happy ones, and I'm better for it. I'm also grateful for Kiera's sister Whitney, who I became much closer to during and after high school (once I started growing out of the "I'm older than you so we can't hang out" phase).

Thank goodness for Jill, Mara, Holly, Lynette, Kelly, Sketti, Ary, and Katelyn. Again, we're not in contact as often as we used to be, but they were the best roommates I could have asked for!

Jennifer deserves her own paragraph. Before Jennifer moved into our apartment, I was surviving on cereal, bagels, croutons, and rice. We bonded over food and Korean dramas and never looked back. To this day, she is my "best California friend"! One of the happiest days of my life was attending her wedding to a great, worthy man. She is such a caring, intelligent, thoughtful person and I'm blessed to know her.

I also have many friends whom I met outside of school. Mission friends, the Draper family in California, Francie, Provo Temple baptistry friends and the Yarwood family in Utah are some examples. I connected with the Drapers through music. I connected with Michelle through food and Primary teaching. I love both their families so much.

There are many other people who have touched my life, and I hope to make many more friends as the journey continues. Friends help make life grand. Especially when you're as lucky in your friendships as I am. I wish everyone could have even just one true friend.