Choosing Clayton

It’s funny. I had a secret crush on Clayton for a year before he finally asked me out, but after we became boyfriend and girlfriend, my nerves were suddenly wound so tight it was hard to really enjoy dating him. Doubts seemed to flood over me at the most inconvenient moments. Weeks passed before I let him kiss me again. Some days, I felt like I was on cloud nine with him. Other days, I was convinced breaking off the relationship would be better for both of us. I rarely mentioned details of my internal battle because Clayton seemed to have completely fallen for me and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. My decision to marry him evolved through weeks of serious, near-constant reflection.

One night six weeks after our first kiss, we decided to go to a few classes at BYU’s Education Week. There, I learned a principle that changed my life: Love is a choice.

"People talk about love like it's an accident sometimes," said our teacher, Justin Top. "We say, 'I fell in love,' as if we were walking along, tripped and faceplanted into love. But love isn't an accident; it's a choice. It takes effort and sacrifice."

Two days later on Sunday morning, one of the talks in church was about receiving personal revelation. For weeks, I had been praying, asking God if advancing my relationship with Clayton would be a good choice, and it suddenly hit me: God had already answered my prayer. His answer was: “Love is a choice.”

I felt amazing that day. I recognized God had given me an incredible gift: an opportunity to love and be loved by one of the best men I’d ever met. But Sunday passed and doubts crept back in. By Tuesday, I was trudging to the first day of my autumn institute of religion class, thinking once again it would be best to break up. There was only one problem: I couldn’t bear the thought of letting Clayton go. But didn’t he deserve someone who was totally sure she could marry him?

Happily, my inspired religion teacher came to my rescue that day. At the beginning of class, he asked everyone to say their name and one attribute they admired about themselves. I said my name was Jessica and I was an optimist. My teacher smiled at me and commented, “Just like President Hinckley. That’s a good quality.”

It probably didn’t seem like much to him, but to me that remark made a world of difference. As I thought of President Gordon B. Hinckley, I remembered some of his teachings and his optimistic, faith-filled attitude toward life. I realized the fear and anxiety I’d been experiencing as I contemplated marrying Clayton did not come from God, but the strong spiritual experience I’d had on Sunday did. That night I wrote in my class notes, “If I chose optimism, I’d choose Clay.” Since then, I’ve never reconsidered my decision to marry him.

What is love?

I went to a class about finding true happiness at BYU on Aug. 19. The teacher, Justin Top, is a chaplain in the U.S. Navy, and the first thing he talked that day was love.

"People talk about love like it's an accident sometimes," he said. "We say, 'I fell in love,' as if we were walking along, tripped and faceplanted into love. But love isn't an accident; it's a choice. It takes effort and sacrifice."

As my mission president David Glazier once said, "You love what you sacrifice for and you sacrifice for what you love."

Chaplain Top's words have echoed in my ears since I heard them. What is love? Love isn't an accident; it's a choice.

We choose to love. Of course, there will be traits that initially attract us to another person, but since we're all imperfect human beings, inevitably one person will do or say something to upset or annoy the other. The only way love can possibly last is if both people are willing to forgive and work at getting along and improving.

This concept applies to all different kinds of love. Consider the love between a parent and their child, two close friends, or even a pet owner and their animal. Work and sacrifice are both very important parts of the love equation.

Romantic love is even more special because it is one of the primary reasons God created the human race. Consider what the late prophet Howard W. Hunter said:

Life’s greatest partnership is in marriage—that relationship which has lasting and eternal significance. ... It is not good for man nor for woman to be alone. Man is not complete without woman. Neither can fill the measure of their creation without the other (see 1 Cor. 11:11; Moses 3:18). Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God (see D&C 49:15–17). Only through the new and everlasting covenant of marriage can they realize the fulness of eternal blessings (see D&C 131:1–4; 132:15–19).

I believe love should be eternal. That's why God also commands men and women to be faithful to their spouses and why he goes to such effort to teach us how work and sacrifice help make love last for eternity.

After all, what better example do we have of love than Jesus Christ, who out of love for humankind suffered for our sins and sacrificed his life, that we might find mercy and one day live with God again? Jesus' love is eternal, offered to people from every walk of life forever. God's love is also eternal, for he sacrificed his own son so that humankind could find mercy for their sins.